


best stalker ever

by waveydnp



Series: fics for people [11]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Epistolary, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 17:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18348722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: dan emails his favourite youtuber





	best stalker ever

**Author's Note:**

> for mandy <3

To: Phil   
From: Dan  
Subject: 

hello!

sorry if this is super weird i know i could just write this in a comment on your channel but i didn’t really wanna gush in front of all your viewers but i just wanted to tell you i think i’m like, literally your biggest fan? not in a creepy stalker way or anything but yeah… i just think your videos are brilliant and i wanted to tell you that they make my days bearable. life is pretty shit all around but your videos are so creative and the way you edit them is amazing like how do you even do that? how do you come up with all this stuff? your brain must be well different from everyone else’s, i reckon that’s why your videos are so much better than literally every other youtuber. 

anywayyyy. sorry. this is weird. you don’t have to reply to me obviously since you probably think i’m insane but i just wanted to say thanks i guess. 

(you can reply if you want) (i’m just saying i don’t expect you to)

ok fuck i’ll shut up now bye

ps my name is dan

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject: sorry

wow jesus christ. imagine my fucking humiliation when i happen to be scrolling through my sent messages and i find this. don’t even remember writing it, i must have been seriously sleep deprived. not that that’s unusual for me seeing as i’m an actual insomniac but yeah… sorry. i mean don’t get me wrong i’m definitely a huge fan but that was just embarrassing wow. i guess you’re probably used to it? 

i don’t blame you for not replying to that mess. i hope you don’t think i’m too much of a freak.

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject: ur new vid is !!!!

fuck me mate your new video is fucking B R I L L I A N T

you make it look so easy. i tried to film something the other day and i sounded like i was underwater and i looked like a fucking potato. don’t even get me started on that editing!!

ok i just looked at myself in the mirror and maybe i looked like a potato in my footage because i actually just look like a potato. like of course you look fit in your videos, it’s because you’re fucking fit.

but you’re still an editing genius and i’m jealous and also mayyyybe a tiny bit in love with you idk maybe

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

it’s probably fine for me to say weird shit like that i reckon, right? because you’re a famous youtuber and i’m a nobody and there’s no fucking way you even open these messages from random strangers, right? not that i’ve been freaking out over calling you fit or anything…

(god i hope you’re not reading this)

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

apparently this is my new late night thing? emailing amazingphil like a fucking stalkerish loser??

i assume you’re either not reading or you’ve blocked me by now so it doesn’t matter. also you have no idea who the fuck i am so it’s not like you’re gonna tell people at school i’m…. whatever i am.

i have a girlfriend by the way. so i’m not.. that. 

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

not that there’s anything wrong with it ok i’m not an asshole, that’s just not me. i’ve got a girlfriend we’ve been together for fucking ages. we’ve… done stuff. basically like most of the stuff.

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

why isn’t there a way to retroactively delete emails? or better yet why don’t i just stop being fucking mental and sending you weird emails. i promise i’m not actually a psychopath. you don’t need to call the police on me, i’m not outside your house with a machete i swear

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

ok fuck it you’re definitely not reading these or else i’d be in jail by now.

i think you’re really fucking fit. like… you didn’t need to have no shirt on in your video today did you? was that necessary? i’m trying to convince myself i’m straight, mate. stop being so attractive

oh and stop getting all close to the camera and showing me your eyes. it’s ridiculous. i didn’t even know eyes could be that blue. also how do you get your hair like that? you have the exact hair i always want but mine never does that boxy thing yours does. 

why am i asking you questions like you’re actually gonna answer. this is stupid.

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

oh wow. long time no awkwardly email, eh? and yet here i am again, like a ghost in your inbox.

or more like your spam filter. or maybe this is just where all your weird fan shit goes. maybe i’m not even the weirdest one in here. maybe there’s someone who’s emailing you five times a day begging for your fucking toenail clippings or some shit. 

i don’t want your toenail clippings. i don’t actually want anything. i’m glad you never replied to any of my bonkers emails.

(ok maybe i kind of wanted you to reply to the first one a little bit but shhh don’t tell anyone)

anyway all i want now is…. actually i don’t know. i don’t know why i even do this. maybe it feels nostalgic now to email you after you post a video. i’m still a huge fan btw even if it’s been like six months since the last time i was weird in your inbox

i still think you’re fit as fuck  
andi still have a girlfriend. same girlfriend. i think she’s fit too.

(she’s not as funny as you but don’t tell her i said so)

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject:

do you ever just hate yourself? like well and truly hate everything about the person that you are?

probably not. you’re amazingphil what’s to hate about you. i wish i was you instead of me. tbh i wish i was anyone instead of me. i hate being me

i’m ugly as fuck and i’m useless at everything. and i might as well be invisible to my parents. they couldn’t give less of a fuck

school sucks. thank christ i’m almost done.

also i’m probably gay. not that that’s bad in and of itself but i guess it means a free pass for every bloke in the world to treat me like shit. how do they even know? i don’t even know for sure so why are they all calling me gaylord. is it written on my forehead or something? 

maybe it’s the emo thing. the hair. does everyone think you’re gay? or, into blokes anyway. 

i’m not gay. i have full on sex with erin now so like, clearly not gay.

W O W this has crossed about fifty billion lines of inappropriateness hasn’t it. if for some crazy reason you’re actually reading these i’m genuinely sorry. i’m just a loser with no friends so i guess i spill my guts to my internet crush over email.

god i’m pathetic 

ps your new video is amazing but what else is   
new. 

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject: :(

hey mate. 

lol wtf you’re basically my fucking diary at this point

anyway. dear diary: i’m fucking sad today. 

that’s it. i’m just sad. i feel like i just exist to be miserable. and i don’t even know why. nothing really awful happened today, i just feel rubbish.

your video was so good. does it make you happy to know that you’re really fucking talented? i feel like if i had something i was actually good at i might feel happy 

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject: brilliant idea

so maybe if you are reading these and for some reason haven’t filed a restraining order you could make it into a video. or maybe even a series! My Psycho Pen Pal. 

you could call it My Psycho Cyber Stalker i guess, that might get people more intrigued but i promise i’m not actually stalking you i’m just pretending like i have an actual friend 

(i have mates. i just don’t have like a best mate. definitely no one i can say the shit i spout off to the imagination of you in these emails.)

i wish i could sleep. i reckon i’d be more normal if i could sleep at night instead of just being awake and looking at all the weirdness on the internet. i fell down a furry hole the other night. did you know they even have their own porn? it’s wild. there’s just holes in these giant suits for the naughty bits and they go at it… animals. haha

i guess every weird thing has its own porn. some of it is really scary but i never have the restraint not to look and then i’m just like ok well fuck sleeping for the rest of my life i guess i’m just a person who watches people getting pissed on and cartoon schoolgirls getting fucked by tentacles

sorry. i should probably delete that but you’re not reading anyway whee!

it’s possible i’m trying to avoid thinking about things that are actually important like what i want to do with my life and what unis to apply to and why i ignore erin’s calls half the time and then get jealous when she hangs out with other people and why my parents love my brother more than me and why i had a sex dream about you the other night

oops now i’m thinking about it. isn’t it weird that i had a sex dream about you when i’ve never even had sex with a guy? like i don’t even know how it actually works but i still dreamt about it? (unless it works exactly like it does in porn cuz let’s not pretend i haven’t watched a fuckload of that)

(i don’t watch porn all the time don’t worry it’s just boring at night when the whole world is asleep and you can’t shut your brain off)

erin thinks i watch too much porn. she says it’ll warp my brain and then i’ll want to tie her up and do weird kinky shit just so i can get off. i told her she could tie me up if she wanted but she just looked at me like i was a freak

i should stop talking about porn. 

i should just stop talking full stop

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Video idea: My Psycho Pen Pal Teaches Me About Weird Porn!

I’m particularly intrigued by the furries.. Tell me more. 

(Figured if I’m going to call you my pen pal then I’ve got to start replying.)

P.S. how old are you? I always forget that not everyone is the same age as me but I probably shouldn’t talk about furry porn with someone who’s underage :/

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

holy fuck

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Sorry! Should I not reply?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

you shouldn't not reply i’m just shitting bricks because you’re amazingphil and i’ve talked so much shit in these emails and i never thought you’d even read them let alone write back i think my fucking brain just exploded 

also i’m going to go sit in the corner and quietly die of a billion simultaneous cringe attacks for everything i’ve written oh god please don’t have me arrested 

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Please don’t shit bricks that sounds painful. Also please scoop your brain back into your skull, I reckon you probably need it. Also please no cringe attacks. We can pretend I never read any of your emails, if you prefer?

I won’t have you arrested, I promise.

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

are you actually talking to me? are you actually amazingphil or are you some 45 year old german man in a dank basement scratching his nuts with a rusty fork?

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Omg!!! What an image. I’m not German, I’m Northern. Slight difference there. And I’m 22 not 45, but I mostly still feel like a teenager. I’m kind of immature. I’m in my bedroom not a basement and it’s not particularly dank in here. My carpet is neon green and my walls are blue.

…but you already knew that, didn’t you? Anyway I’m Phil. You don’t have to call me AmazingPhil. My friends call me Phil. I suppose you could call me Philip but that’d just be weird.

My nuts aren’t itchy at the moment but if they were I’d probably just scratch them with my hand like a normal person. Shoot that reminds me, how old are you?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

i’m 18, just turned. and yeah, i definitely already know what your bedroom looks like. that sounds so creepy but i guess i am pretty creepy.

not that i’m not like, freaking out with joy/fear but… why are you even talking to me right now?

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

I guess I started to feel guilty about letting you think I wasn’t reading your emails. I knew you wouldn’t be saying that stuff if you knew I was seeing it. But I always liked reading them. They make me laugh (except for the parts that are sad).

So I figured we could just talk to each other instead?

 

To: Phil   
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

you’re being way too nice to me but i’m not gonna argue it. i’ll definitely disappoint you though, i’m not funny or clever or anything. i probably only made you laugh because i was embarrassing myself.

and yes, let’s please forget that i said i’m in love with you and oh god everything i said about porn jesus fucking christ i’m an embarrassment 

oh i also talked about erin didn’t i? that’s lovely. 

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

You also mentioned something about trying to film videos. Do you have a YouTube channel?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

yeah i do but no actual videos. also the name is stupid but i made the channel when i was 15 when i was even stupider than i am now, if that’s possible. i’m kind of surprised you don’t know hat though, considering how often i comment on your videos. 

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea.

Ok, new rule: you’re not allowed to say mean things about yourself. You seem like a nice person, you should stop putting yourself down so much.

Are you danisnotonfire?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

haha yep that’s me. why didn’t i just lie? how will i ever get you to fall in love with me when i’m such a shameless fanboy?

joking, joking. i say dumb shit when i’m trying to hide how nervous i am.

anyway, i think that’s the one positive thing i can actually say about myself. i’m definitely nice. probably too nice. people walk all over me. i’m like a fucking shag carpet or some shit 

ANYWAY. i’m sorry for treating you like a diary before. maybe now i’ll have to get an actual diary.

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil   
Re: brilliant idea

I can definitely relate to that. To all of that, actually. Being too nice and letting people get away with not treating me right and also saying daft things when I’m nervous. Like get me alone in a room with some awkward silence and I’ll start telling you facts about foxes mating or something like that.

You can still diary it up to me if you want. I don’t mind. Maybe it could be a mutual diary relationship.

P.S. fanboying over me aka flattering me is definitely not a bad thing. but also you don’t have to, I’m no different from you I just didn’t have the sense not to post my nonsense ramblings. And the only reason I can edit is because I studied it at York. If you’re as big a fan as you say then you’ve seen my first video and you know how bad it was.

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

you went to york? that’s so cool. that was one of my top choices to apply. (spoiler alert i didn’t apply anywhere because i’m a *******, i’m taking a gap year) (i refrained from shit talking myself there are you proud?) (i can tell you who’s NOT proud: my parents) (still don’t know i’m doing but i think i’m gonna choose law just for shits and giggles. my uncle’s a lawyer and he makes good money so fuck it, it’s a good as anything else. might actually make my dad happy for once)

i’d be happy to hear your fox mating trivia. i think you might be a furry, phil. maybe you should make a video about THAT. 

your ramblings are not nonsense they are my favourite ramblings

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

It doesn’t count as refraining if you’re still saying it but just censoring it!! That’s still being mean to yourself!!

I reckon gap years are really smart. That way you have time to think about what you want, yeah? Law sounds hard. You must be well smart to choose that. I did english language and linguistics and then visual effects because I wasn’t ready to return to the real world. I’m back home with my parents now and I wish I could back to school, honestly. Trying to find a proper job and be ‘A Man’ is scary. I’m too immature for all of it.

As it is I’m mostly just sat in my room all day alone. I miss feeling like I have a purpose. When I was in school I knew exactly what I was meant to be doing and what was expected of me. My parents keep asking me what I’m going to do. My dad bought me a frickin cordless hammer drill thing for christ’s sake lmao he doesn’t not know me at all. Anyway I guess my point is I’m sorry your parents don’t get you. Mine don’t really get me either. I love them but… yeah

Look, I diary-ed at you! 

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

i’m sorry i’m still freaking out that i’m talking to you at all, let alone the fact that you’re actually being so nice and telling me personal stuff and not making me feel like a freak for all the crazy shit i emailed you before. 

do your parents not know about your videos? haven’t they been in them before? do they not know how popular you are? and what does your dad think you’re gonna do with a fucking cordless hammer drill? what does that even mean?

i can’t imagine choosing to stay at school a second longer than necessary. i’ve never hated anything like i hated school. i went to an all boys school it was fucking torture every day. i believe i mentioned the kinds of things blokes like to say to me. did you know if you smile at a guy it automatically means you’re a ‘homo’? even if you’re just trying to be friendly? apparently friendly = gay

i’m so glad at least i’m done with that shit. people say uni is better. is it better?

i guess you don’t necessarily know that. maybe people didn’t call you those things in school

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

They did. Some did anyway. My mates were mostly fine but I definitely got picked on. I was always the awkwardly tall one with bad hair and lame clothes. And yeah, people did call me gay a lot. 

Definitely gets better in uni. You meet people who are more like you. You get to choose who you want to spend your time with. And you learn more about yourself too. 

I hope I get to see your friendly smile some day. It’s always weird to me to talk to someone without a face. 

Oh also you don’t need to freak out. Seriously, I am not worth freaking out over. I’m just a nerdy guy. I spend all my free time playing video games and making videos and like drawing whiskers on my face. I’m super single and only get to see mates like once a week. 

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

phil you’re cool just accept it ok you’re not gonna be able to change my mind about that. and you’re fit. i reckon the only reason you’re single is because people are intimidated by you.

you make uni sound so great. i can’t help feeling it won’t be like that for me. i’m just not good at making friends. i have mates but none of them are like really good mates. i have erin i guess but i dunno. not even that feels very good anymore.

can i ask you a personal question

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Sure

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

are you what people in school called you?

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Yeah. A little bit. I haven’t got it all worked out but.. yeah. Are you?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

yeah. i haven’t got it all figured out either, but i figured my flirting with you and general inability to stop talking about the subject probably gives me away. it doesn’t feel as scary to tell you since i’m as good as a stranger to you. it’s confusing shit

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

I don’t really think it’s that important to have it figured out, to be honest. Labels are stupid to me. Like who you like, you know?

Anyway. I’m sorry things aren’t good with your girlfriend. I don’t know what that’s like, I've never really had one. Not a boyfriend either. Not a proper one anyway. There was this guy I thought maybe might be a thing but then he got a boyfriend. Now we’re just friends

Not that you asked, sorry. I guess this is the diary portion of the email. 

Hey Dan I think I need to go to sleep now

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
re: brilliant idea

oh yeah fuck it’s late eh. sorry for keeping you up. thanks for talking to me, it was really cool of you not to freak out at me for being such a creep.

and for listening

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: brilliant idea

Of course. Thanks for listening back. You seem like a great person. I’ll talk to you later? :)

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: brilliant idea

yeah. definitely. 

goodnight phil 

ps do you wanna exchange mobile numbers? email is so 2005 

-

Phil: Mum woke me up at 9am this is a goddamn travesty i need to get my own place immediately. good morning btw. Am I too old to still be living with my parents? I am right?

Dan: mate. maaate. that’s too early. it hurt me just to read that. stop. one good thing about being a latchkey kid is i can sleep until noon…. which is what i did today. and pretty much every other day

Phil: So that’s why you never text me until lunch time

Dan: yup. gotta love insomniac life

Phil: You should try to sleep earlier :(

Dan: but i’ve got very important things to do in the middle of the night 

Phil: Like what? Watch tentacle porn? Email more poor unsuspecting YouTubers?

Dan: oi don’t kink shame me. besides you’re definitely a furry. and you’re my one and only

Phil: I better be!!   
What are you doing today?

Dan: a big fat load of nothing. as always 

Phil: :(((

Dan: you?

Phil: I think Charlie wants to film something later

Dan: for your channel or his?

Phil: I dunno. His I guess. I just show up and do what he wants. Stephen will probably be there bc he’s always there 

Dan: is that weird

Phil: No it’s fine. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood for Charlie’s… energy

Dan: he seems ok to me.

Phil: He can be a little mean sometimes.

Dan: he looks like me have i ever told you that

Phil: Really?

Dan: yeah. similar anyway

Phil: I wanna see!

Dan: you don’t. 

Phil: I reeeeeally do

Dan: you reeeeeally don’t 

Phil: why? :(( Does it make you uncomfortable?

Dan: no idiot it’s not like that i just like the idea of you not being able to see all my flaws. you already have to deal with my words, i won’t subject you to my face as well

Phil: You’re saying you look like Charlie, which I reckon means you have a nice face. 

Dan: you think Charlie has a nice face?

Phil: Yeah…

Dan: brb going to get charlieskies surgery on my face

Phil: Shut up. 

oh mum is calling me for lunch g2g

Dan: you need to remind her that you’re a grown ass man

Phil: But I like not having to cook or wash my own pants :(

Dan: you can’t see me but i’m making a face

Phil: SHOW ME

Dan: maybe next time i take a photo i don’t hate. maybe i’ll make a dailybooth account 

Phil: Wait do you have twitter why don’t I just find you on twitter you must have pictures there. oooh or myspace!!

Dan: if you find my myspace i’ll seppuku immediately 

Phil: Don’t say that! don’t even joke 

Dan: sorry. go have your lunch. maybe you’ll have a photo waiting for you when you’re done 

-

Phil: Charlie’s got nothing on you Dan

You’re never allowed to complain about being unattractive again and that is final

...(Don’t tell him I said that. I’m not trying to be mean but bloody hell you are gorgeous)

Dan: do you have skype?

-

Phil: Did you film it??????

Dan: maybe

Phil: that means you did. AHHHH!!! Send it to me immediately!!

Dan: hell no

Phil: Dan!! Don’t torture me!!

Dan: it’s literally shit

Phil: It’s not. It couldn’t be, because you made it.

Dan: it’s nothing like yours 

Phil: Good. it’s not supposed to be

Dan: this was a mistake. it’s fine. i’m gonna be a lawyer anyway, remember?

Phil: You’re going to be a lawyer who makes YouTube videos.

Dan: do you actually genuinely promise you’re not going to take the piss

Phil: Yes. Of course. I wanna see it so I can tell you it’s good

Dan: i guess it doesn’t matter it’s not like anyone’s gonna watch anyway

Phil: They will bc I’m gonna tell them to!!

Dan: oh god

Phil: Dan

Dan: ?

Phil: You want to do this right? Like you wanna be a YouTuber?

Dan: yeah. i do. i just don’t wanna be shit at it

Phil: Send me the damn video, Howell

-

Phil: So Dan

Dan: ….. yes

Phil: My parents are abandoning me and going up to Isle of Man in a couple weeks

Dan: lol mate shouldn’t you be happy about having the house go yourself that’s like the dream 

Phil: all it really means is that i have to cook for myself which is rubbish 

Dan: true. but you can also walk around naked and wank in your lounge or throw a huge party with blow and strippers if you want

Phil: Dan!

Dan: *shrug* 

Phil: I was thinking more like I could have a mate round

Dan: that too. boring, but def a viable option 

Phil: ….

Dan: what??

Phil: A mate. Like a mate I’d really love to meet in person for the first time…

Dan: oh fuck

Phil: Bad idea?

Dan: nooo. not bad. just slightly terrifying

Phil: I want to meet you for real. You don’t have to say yes. If you’re not comfortable with it I understand. But the offer is there

Dan: since when are train tickets so expensive?

-

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Subject: idk don’t even read this 

feels weird to be writing you an email again. can’t believe i ever had the balls to do this without knowing if you were gonna read them or not. i said some wild shit in there too, god. you’re honestly a fucking saint. and now you have to deal with my bullshit constantly like 24/7 i’m sorry about that. you didn’t sign up for me texting you all day long 

i wish no one ever had to deal with me. it’s not worth it. it’s all just a load of bullshit for no reward.

i broke up with erin. 

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: idk don’t even read this 

What happened?

 

To: Phil  
From: Dan  
Re: idk don’t even read this

i couldn’t pretend anymore. she deserves better

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: idk don’t even read this

Pretend what?

 

To: Phil   
From: Dan  
Re: idk don’t even read this

you know. please don’t act like you don’t.

it doesn’t matter anyway. i should just be alone so no one has to deal with me. i shouldn’t even be bothering you with this shit right now. you have a nice life and you’re too good for me and i don’t wanna drag you down 

 

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Re: idk don’t even read this

Dan. Stop. Don’t say stuff like that. I think you’re brilliant, you know that. 

I’m sorry about Erin. But it’s probably good, yeah? You weren’t happy anymore. I want you to be happy. You DESERVE to be happy. Don’t ever think you don’t.

I’m so glad I know you. You make my life better. I’ve only known you a few months and you’re already my best friend. You’re funny and kind and clever and super fit and you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. I was genuinely so freaking proud of you when you finally uploaded your video that I cried a little, I swear to god I did. I know how scared you were but you did it anyway. That took so much courage. You’re brave Dan.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’d never say another negative thing about yourself again.

-

Dan: it should be illegal to be up this early

i can’t believe i’m awake before you this is blasphemy i hope you appreciate my sacrifice

i’m realizing suddenly that all my clothes are ugly as hell 

and my hair is so bad of course it’s gonna be bad today whyyyy

at least i smell nice. i wonder what you smell like. it’s so weird that soon i’m gonna find out???

and like we’re gonna see once and for all who’s actually taller?? 

i hope you don’t axe murder me bc i told my mum i was meeting a mate i met at reading festival over the summer so if you hack me up she’ll never know 

but i guess the internet knows. i will be avenged one way or the other so you just better not kill me and eat me!!

sorry. i’m fucking nervous can you tell. anyway i’m getting on the train now. 

Phil: AHHHHHHH

Dan: oh you’re up

Phil: I’m cleaning my room a bit aka shoving everything in the wardrobe. Then I gotta shower so I smell nice too and then I’m gonna catch the bus! I’m so excited!!!!!

-

Dan: i know you wanted to meet me but i’m sorry your dreams are dead bc i’m about to die of fear 

we’re almost at manchester fuck me why am i so nervous.

Phil: I see your train!!! 

-

To: Dan  
From: Phil  
Subject: 

I’m writing you a sneaky email so you won’t see it til later and I won’t have to be embarrassed while you read it right beside me.

You’re asleep right now. In my bed. 

Still can’t really believe that. Feels like the nicest kind of dream, the kind you never want to wake up from. You’re extremely cute when you sleep.

I can’t sleep because I’m just so happy. I’m ahappyphil. 

I’ll probably feel daft later for being so cheesy but I just have to say it. I’ll blame it on the fact that I’ve been awake for nearly 24 hours at this point, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. Like, it feels like I was meant to meet you? 

I dunno. Shut up, don’t laugh, I know you’re laughing at me as you read this. I just really like you, ok? I think I have a crush on you :p

Oh shoot, you’re moving around I gotta send this and get back into bed.

With you. 

God. How did I get so lucky. Oh you’re still asleep, good. But I’m still getting back into bed, and guess what? I’m gonna cuddle you. Because I can do that. Because you’re in my bed. 

P.S. you’re a really good kisser

P.P.S. please don’t ever leave. Or at least promise me you’ll come back. 

P.P.P.S. i’m really glad you stalked me. Best stalker ever


End file.
